I Couldn’t Control My Husband
A betrayed wife made this comment in response to another woman who was frustrated by her inability to make her husband stop his affair.
My husband moved out because I told him that if he was still seeing his affair partner, he didn't need to be here. He was out for about three weeks, returned home for a week, then left again. (I later found out he was staying with the affair partner.) He was out of the house for six months.
He came back home in the fall, and now we are working on us. The time apart was good for us because we were killing each other with words. When I finally let go of my control, things got better... I always wanted to save our marriage because I genuinely love him and believe he loves me. But why did he do this?!
My biggest advice is not to let stuff go but to work on yourself first. From my experience, my reactions caused me much more harm than they did him. I have grown so much from this happening. I started focusing on myself and figuring out what I needed to do, and I stopped reacting so severely towards him. I stopped letting him and his actions have control over me.
You've got to figure out if you can get past this, forgive him, and move forward, or will this always be an issue? See a counselor and talk things through with them. It helps more than you realize to talk through things with another person.
Yes, you want that person to be your spouse, but they may not be on the same page right now. I have been exactly where you are. Looking back, I wish I had handled things a little differently so that maybe we could have started healing sooner. But we can't live in the what-ifs. We have to focus on the present and take it one day at a time, sometimes one hour at a time. It does get easier, and things start to hurt a little less.
Want to share your experiences? Submit it here.