Kim & Chad: Children’s Perspectives
A few years after their father’s affair, Kim and Chad tell how it affected them.
Kim
The memories I have of our family are the memories that make my heart ache because I long for just a moment of that back. Some of my favorite "event memories" are of our family nights—the evenings when the smell of Mom’s supper filled the house while her music was playing. I knew Dad would be coming home soon. I know it sounds funny, but I remember always being excited for the time when "dad got home from work." It just felt better knowing he was there. I remember the stories he used to make up for me. I loved that. The holidays were so much better as a family.
I know that during the year right after the affair, I put on myself the burden of taking care of my younger brothers on the nights that my mom locked herself in her room. I would be left to play her role, figuring out supper and ways to entertain and keep their minds off the hell that was going around them. I remember I would always try to be the one who would make life a little better. I felt like it was my job.
Sometimes it's hard to be around families with both a mother and father and not miss that. There have been times since the divorce that dad has been over, and all of us have been playing games, talking, and just having a good time. But when he leaves there is this sinking feeling in everyone because we know that the happiness we just had is how it was supposed to be, and we loved it that way.
Chad
I never saw Mom or Dad fight, so the thought never really crossed my mind that anything could happen between them. The times we went on vacation as a family were always fun. All the things I think of before the separation were good; I can't remember anything bad.
When they separated, I remember a lot of confusion. At times I didn't know whom to believe because I would get different stories about what was going on from each of them, and I wanted to believe they were both telling the truth. I remember how hurt I would get when I would come home from visiting Dad and tell Mom how he was doing good, but I could tell she never believed it. Sometimes she would tell me details I didn't know, and when that stuff happened it hurt and confused me. The worst was when their stories didn't agree, and then they would argue in front of us and start yelling at each other.
Something I never forgot was during the whole divorce process, it was my birthday and all that happened was when I came home there was a card from mom and a book from you. It made me feel unappreciated at the time, like everyone was too busy with their own problems to worry about my birthday.
I believe I've just gotten used to the fact that my parents are divorced. It does worry me a little that I don't have parents I can model my marriage after, and I wonder if that will affect my marriage in any way, but I hope it doesn't. But the fact that my parents are divorced really isn't a big issue in my life right now.
I try to look at the divorce now from a positive side. I grew so much in my faith during those years, far more than my friends did. I also believe it has matured me a lot in ways. I sometimes wonder if I might have ended up having an affair someday because I tend to struggle with the same things. But I don't see how I could ever do that now because I know all the consequences.